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Yeah, yeah, I know. The wordpress.com is just sooo unprofessional! But some jerk-off bought my domain name and now they are trying to sell it back to me for $800!! They can jerk-off themselves for all I care. I’m holding out till they realize no one’s going to buy it (fingers crossed!) and then I’ll snatch it back up.

But in the meantime, to be redirected to the most current version of the website, just CLICK HERE or visit…



70 thoughts on “Welcome!

  1. Thank you very much for your note. I take it as the highest form of compliment. Feel free to pass the word along about my blog, I’d love to have more readers and be able to tell our side of the story to a large audience. Any and all support is welcomed!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. You must be referring to the post “Ask a Junky: Avoiding Addiction” If you read the entire article, you must have missed the part where I state “Many people will still experience some mild withdraw symptoms after only a few days”. So no need for unnecessary criticism, I’ve already pointed that part out.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I do not drop a bunch of responses, but i did a few searching and
    wound up here Heroin Is My Heroin | Self worth is not
    defined by the health of one’s veins. Junkies deserve to be heard too.
    I am the voice for the junkies.. And I do have a couple of questions for you
    if you usually do not mind. Could it be only me or
    does it look as if like a few of these comments come across like coming from brain dead people?
    😛 And, if you are writing on additional online social sites, I’d like to keep up with everything fresh you have to post.
    Would you make a list of the complete urls of
    all your shared pages like your Facebook page, twitter feed,
    or linkedin profile?

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Completely agree that Panic In Needle Park is better all around than Trainspotting 100%. As for the sex drive, I’ve known some guys who were completely disinterested in sex when addicted to H. I think it effects everyone differently. When it was just me on H and not my boyfriend, we had no problem having a prolific sex life. But when he joined me, it went noticeably down. Luckily not as bad as some people I know though. We both wanted it to keep going too bad.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Hey, Hows the movie and the writing.
    Trainspotting the movie in my view isn’t that accurate, the book is more accurate.
    Best movie in my opinion about the subject is The Panic In Needle Park. That’s more than accurate. H.doen’t influence the sex drive that much. What is does do is it consumes so much of your time (depending on your money situation and the availability in your location) that there seems to be no time left. It also postpone a man’s orgasm which can be a plus. If the horse is good a daily usage can get you hooked in about one to two weeks.
    Good luck!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I wanted to say sorry for your loss. I love your video where you shoot up leave the camera on , you nod off to this very beautiful place you look so at pease. Just beause you use a drug does not make a person bad.You prove that . Why do we have names for iv drug user like junkie , beer is a drug weed is drug no weird name calling. Keep smiling

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Hallo DD,
    As a result of an interview with an historian (Gemma Blok ) who’s an expert on Heroïne addiction in Holland and the various approaches to deal with it, and an television performence,
    about the same thing (The Heroine Epidemy) I decided to work again on my unfinished graphic novel about the HUK in Amsterdam during the 70ies. I did in those days about 60% of it, then stopped. I didn’t plan to finish it.
    I send you a panel in which some of the inhabitants of the HUK take their shots.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. I like what I see and I like what I read from you. And probably I was wrong not expecting your particular point of view on Heroin addiction etc coming to us from the USA. I respect your courage and honesty in expressing your opinions on these controversial, personal matters. So ,,Hats off to you!! And if can be of any help in your crusade, please let me know.
    I ‘ll gladly leave some comments from time to time whenever I think they might be relevant.
    Heroin still is my heroin too, even now I seemed to have quitted.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. I’m hoping that’s how my quitting story will go… I’l just fall out of favor of it some day and not have to make it this just production. I’m so glad you found my blog! I love having other ex-users and users participate and comment on posts that really speak with them because there is no better way to learn about something than hearing about it from those live and breath is on a daily basis. There is too much propaganda and pro-WoD content available, I thought there really needed to be something that spoke out side of the story, or at least one perspective of it. Feel free to leaving your comments whenever it strikes your fancy, even if you disagree with me! I hope to see you around here as a long term reader!

    Liked by 1 person

  10. And yes, you do look sexy in these footware. I Always found shooting up a sexy act, as long it’s done by the right person in the right way.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. So I did, I’m blogging suppose. Like I mentioned, I’m an Amsterdam citizen. I got hooked on H in 1972 in a time this city was flooded with chinese brown or grey H. In the years before there had been a constant supply of good but cheap shootable opium. There was a small overseeable group of opium addicts. After ’72 this group exploded in a very short space of time to an estimated 5000 to 10000 in Amsterdam alone. After 8 years of snorting it I started shooting and mixing it with cocaïne. The chinese H changed over the years in the Turkish/Afghan/Pakistan version which was other then the Chinese, not soluble: you had to ad ascorbine to solve. The last was affecting the veins which made shooting in the long run difficult. You went from arms to hands, to legs, feet even fingers and toes, and everytime you had to go through small bloodbaths to succeed.
    The supply was constant, for years there was a street (Zeedijk) crowded with dealers and buyers of the stuff, but also of coce and a.o. methadon, right in the heart of the town. It looked like a streetmarket. The city finaly took over the street and its neighbourhood in the ’90 ies, and
    the demand of H. as well as the supply of it diminished.
    Lots of my ‘colleages, died , either throug overdose, or HIV (some both) and a minority old age.
    My habit unexpectably wore out some years ago. I wasn’t trying to quit, as in the early years I did,in vein, it went by itself, the methadon I Always took beside included ( throug an extreme slow reduction method I had thougt out myself ).
    Nowadays I illustrate about the matter in Mainline and even was on national television to talk about 1972 (Andere Tijden; de heroine explosie)
    I still live in the centrum of beautiful Amsterdam. Only problems are the veins and the hepatitis c I contracted in the ’90 ies. I truly can say though:I have no regrets!

    Look at my (old) drawings on the matter on my Facebook page Eric Krabbenbosch, which I will fill with a.m. some stuff ofthe seventies.

    Keep up the good work D, I think we need people like you.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. I was watching your one vid where you said Pushing the plunger.. the BEST part…. and I was thinking how beautiful that golden nectar is… and what wonders it brings. Thank you for sharing your personal moments!

    Liked by 2 people

  13. I’m so glad that you found my blog and left a note! I love hearing other stories that don’t follow the traditional junky burnout plot line. i know it’s not a life for everyone, but we’re each unique and individual and our relationship with drugs like heroin will natural be unique and individual as well! Thanks for being one of the few to stand up against government and societal forced uniformity. And good luck with your continued use of heroin. Who knows, maybe neither of us will use for our whole life, but at least we are opened minded enough to try to carve our own path, the path barely ever traveled by anyone, instead of following the masses. Keep reading and leaving notes where you see fit, would love to get your viewpoint on many of the issues I talk about.

    Liked by 1 person

  14. I just came across your page today. I’m a 21 year old heroin addict living in Colorado. In March it’ll be three years of addiction and my rock bottom was a little less then a year ago. After standing back up and dusting myself off, I came to the same conclusion as you did. I don’t want to stop using but I don’t want my life to be a mess and there’s no reason why I can’t be a functional member of society and do heroin. I use daily and mix between smoking and shooting. Financially I’m doing okay, I have a healthy social life, an okay family relationship and a great romantic relationship with a non using recovering meth user. For the most part I’m happy and even before my heroin addiction, I couldn’t say that. Most people I tell this too think I’m crazy and it was truly beautiful to find another female with the same views. So please keep doing what you’re doing. And I just have to say, I am so sorry for the loss of your boyfriend. Stay strong, Phish on and nod out 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  15. I luv the site. I am 58 year old heroin user. I have found that the only way for me to use heroin successfully in our society is to remain totally anonymous. I give you much credit for maintaining a site like this. Otherwise we solo users would be totally alone.

    Liked by 1 person

  16. I’m so glad you found my blog and are on our team! It’s wonderful to know that there are other smart, intelligent, like-minded people out there who also happen to use heroin. I hope to see more of your around here and to learn your story too!

    Liked by 2 people

  17. Wait, so I am not alone? Others out there are like me? We hide in our apartments, and live two lives.. Perhaps I have found something new.. something new to wake up for. This is nice.. thank you.

    Liked by 1 person

  18. I’m not dodging your point. I just chose not to argue as well. Since you won’t believe anything I say, what’s the point of addressing it? You are 180 degrees wrong about why I started this blog, but if you won’t even believe that, there’s really no point in addressing anything. My motivations for starting my other blogs in the past were different, When I started illicit and erotic behavior, that was probably one of my reasons, but it had nothing to do with why I started this one. And that blogs not a secret, many of my readers started following me there. You can always email me if you’d like to continue the discussion, deemsterdiva@gmail.com. But i just see no point of getting roped into a debate on my Welcome page where anything I say is considered invalid just because I’m an addict.

    Liked by 1 person

  19. Thank you for your reply – but you’re totally dodging my point, which is that time is moving forward and the shit is preventing you from moving on to the next stages of your life.

    (I don’t believe for a second that I’m wrong about the reason you created the blog. An addict talking about just how hep their addiction is and how with-it they are isn’t exactly a new invention. But I won’t argue bc I know you’ll never admit it.)

    Liked by 1 person

  20. The original revenge story was posted on 4Chan, I didn’t make its way to the pinkmeth site. They don’t need as much backstory and are fine with just the pics 😉

    That was written at a time that I felt very different about a lot things. My feelings and attitude towards addiction have changed many times over the last decade. I reserve the right to change my mind at any time, and have exercised that right many times over the year, lol 😉 You go back over anyone’s social media profiles or blogs and your bound to find contradictory content at some point. There have been many times throughout my life that I really wanted to quit, when I was completely unhappy and ashamed of the direction my life was headed. You don’t even have to read further than earlier posts in this blog to find that out. But now is not one of those times and that is an outdated post.

    I’m not going to argue with you about being in denial. There are only a handful of people on the planet who would disagree with you, so I’m vastly outnumbered. And honestly, I’m not entirely closed off to the idea of being proved wrong. The only thing I would even attempt to refute is that my employment sux. Sure, it’s a far cry from my IT days. But I don’t know what that type of high-stress job anymore. Considering that I switched careers under 10 months ago, I think my career is going very well. Far better than I hoped at this stage.

    Liked by 1 person

  21. Oh and btw — you have another secret. Pinkmeth linked to a lot of your shit. And I found what I think is the real reason you started this blog:

    “I guess what it boils down to is – I’m afraid if I let everyone in on my secret, it will be harder to keep using.”

    You started this blog because you want off the shit, and you’re trying to force yourself over the psychological hump.

    Liked by 2 people

  22. I don’t mind at all — it was pinkmeth. Honestly, there’s very little on there that isn’t already on your blog, so while you lost control of the images (and whatever else is on the phone) you haven’t been too exposed. (I didn’t see a story about revenge against you in particular. The way the genre works, the people who do it seem to be exacting revenge against an entire gender for, basically, existing.)

    You’re not dumb. I’ve known addicts before. You’re not dumb at all. Its in your writing — clear, coherent ideas, good grammar, you know your own voice, etc..

    You do, however, have an absolutely epic case of denial.

    Smart addicts hate NA, at least when they’re young, its true. But the problem with the shit is it sneaks up on you. You don’t know you’ve lost something until you wake up one day and you’ve lost it. A friend of mine, for her the barrier was always that as long as she was snorting not shooting up (“only poor people shoot up”) she was fine, then she finally took a week off work and got off completely. For you the barrier is your set of “rules.” Great. Except you won’t know that you’ve hit “that” point until its already really fucking hard to not break the rule, and then you’re in much deeper shit.

    Look, I get it. I remember when I was in the hospital for surgery and they gave me dilaudid and the only thing I remember, for 3 days, is that my last words between when they turned on the IV and when I woke-up after surger were “holy shit now I totally get how people get addicted to this. If I don’t use it all here can I take the extra home?” Really – I have witnesses.

    So, I get it. People do drugs because drugs are awesome. The problem with drugs is you don’t notice that life’s slipping by and then its months or years and you’ve lost a job, a career, an opportunity, your potential.

    Do you ever watch Dr. Who? There are these villains called the Weeping Angels. (On Netflix, Season 3, the episode “Blink”.) The way they attack, is they send you back in time and then they feast on the energy of all your lost days — the potential energy of the things you could have done, would have done, might have done. All your lost possibilities.

    You know what I’m getting at.

    Then there’s the other issue. And I hope you’ll pardon the sexism and materialism and superficiality, but I think you can handle it:

    8 years ago you were right out of school, in a relationship, and I’m sure absolutely gorgeous. What have you accomplished since then? Its a long life. You’ve got another 50, 60 years to go. What have you got out of the last 8 years that you’ll be happy to look back on for another 60? Its basically wasted years, right?

    Plus — and here’s to it — there’s a big difference between the way a hot girl looks after 5, 10, 15 years on the shit. Right now you’re 35, smart, your employment sucks but you’re still hot and you’re a freak in bed. I’m a pretty together guy, and if you were off the shit I’d probably date you seriously.

    You do *not* want to be a single 40 year old woman who’s been shooting up heroin every day for 16 years.

    Liked by 2 people

  23. Yeah, I seem to be getting a lot of traffic from that these days. The worst part? The fucker that posted those pictures was a stranger who stole my phone from me while I was riding the subway. The whole “revenge” thing was a total BS made up story. Do you mind telling me what site this was? I’m familiar with at least two of them. I’d like to know if there are more out there 🙂

    I know there are a lot of people out there who feel the same way you do. I used to feel that same way. For most of my life I’ve felt that I’d have to quit at some point. Let me give you a little backstory so that that I can put this all in context. I’ve been shooting dope for over 11 years daily now (Technical I first shot dope when I was 17, but it didn’t get serious until I was 23. I’m 35 now). But for many years when I first started my bf at the time was very anti-heroin, so by necessity and out of respect, my use was limited. And it didn’t seem to really effect my life at all. I had a great job, traveled 80% of the time for work, had a great boyfriend and life was awesome. And since I was on the road 80% of the time for work, I could do small amounts of heroin without anyone being the wiser. Which I did. Then my world crashed down around my feet when I found the bf I had been with for 7 years at the time had a kid that he didn’t tell me about. It was a catastrophic end to a beautiful relationship. The heroin habit I had been maintaining for 8 or more years quickly skyrocketed out of control. I lost my job, my house, I went back on meth, was shooting about 3 grams a day (while unemployed) and it got to the point where I would rather be a homeless prostitute than give up heroin. In short, I hit rock bottom. Of course, that didn’t matter to me, and it took my new boyfriend getting arrested on Christmas Day with 13 ounces of meth in the car, on his way to pick up 6 ounces of heroin (for a 4 day trip we were supposed to take to my parents house) for me to realize how totally fucked up my life was. Of course it took even longer for me to do anything about it, but many months later I finally went slinking into my my first NA meeting. I got a sponsor, started doing step work, but I’ve never liked the basic theology of NA (a topic too long to discuss in this reply). Looking back over my life, I had definitely been able to use heroin while having a productive life with a career and family and relationships, I didn’t see any reason I couldn’t do that again. So after a while of clean time, I told my sponsor I was going to start chipping. But this time with rules. Rule #1 – Never use above my means, no matter what. No pawning, no stealing, no turning tricks, no bartering. If that means withdraws, or 1 balloon a day, or Suboxone or Methadone, so be it. #2 Remember my priorities. Namely, always put my friends, family and career ahead of using. Basically, take care of my responsibilities before all else, and never let anyone feel that I would choose heroin over them. I’ve lost too many friends that way. There are lots of other little rules too that help me keep my use in check too (dozens of them really), the most important being, never increase my dose. I’ve been using the same small amount for almost a year now. Sure I don’t get as high, but I’d never achieve the same high as I used to anyway. So I’m not missing out on much and can keep the expense relatively small. So, my plan is, keep this up for as long as I can. I’ve got zero chance of overdose this way. I’ll never compromise my integrity this way. I can continue to hold a job and support myself, I’ve got great relationships with my family. I see no reason why I’d have to stop, as long as I can maintain this relatively new and subdued way of using. Which takes constant vigilance, bi-weekly therapy and almost constant need to check-in with myself and a support structure to keep me in check. People who will have no probably telling me if I’ve started to veer off course. Some people use Methadone maintenance, I consider this my heroin maintenance. Can I keep this up forever? I don’t know. It would be foolish to say that I knew I could. And even if I could, I still might decide it’s not worth the effort and quit anyway. Because it’s a lot of work, more work that I think most people would be willing to put in. Because heroin has a sneaky way of trying to make you believe that it really is the most important thing in life. Sometimes all day long, I have to remind myself that heroin is just another chemical and what my real priorities are. I suspect some day I’ll get tired of playing this game. My parents and my therapist are always commenting on how needlessly hard I make my life by doing this. But when I was clean and trying to design my life in NA, it looked pretty much like how I’m living now, except with healthier veins.

    So if I had to answer your question in one sentence, My plan is to use until I start to see that I’m breaking one of my rules. As soon as I break my rules… I’ll have to call it quits 🙂

    No, I don’t think I’m dumb. (Although many people would point to this post as evidence to the contrary) But I do like to challenge myself, and this is one hellva challenge 😉

    Liked by 2 people

  24. So, i found your blog when I was researching “revenge porn” and you were posted there. At least they didn’t do you any damage.

    But… I have to ask — you seem like a pretty cool chick. You’re clever, you’re cute. You *have* to know that you can’t keep going with the shit for much longer. You’re not dumb. You *know* that.

    What’s your plan?

    Liked by 2 people

  25. I live in Los Angeles California in the United States. I first used when I was 17, but I only used like 20-30 times from 17-24. Then started daily use and subsequently got addicted at 24. I’m 35 now. So I usually just count the years of addiction, so 11 years. It’s good that you just smoke it. Much healthier for you, doesn’t cause the same long term damage and doesn’t draw the same social stigma. I used to smoke sometimes when I was in relationships with people who didn’t like me using. It kept the track marks down It’s been so many years though, I’d probably be all wasteful with it and not get high enough and be pissed that I wasn’t IVing, lol. Where country are you from?

    Liked by 1 person

  26. hey there diva…. how long have you been using and what country are you from… me going on 4-5 years just smoking though…. my town was the hub of the country for it… literally people would catch a train interstate to get come get some.

    Liked by 1 person

  27. And a huge thank-you to you for reading! I love getting feedback and hearing about what’s working and what’s not. If you get a chance, let me know what your favorite parts are and what you’d like to see more of 🙂 Can’t wait to read more of your book!
    ☮ ❤ & ♪♫ ♪

    Liked by 2 people

  28. I couldn’t agree with you more. I actually talk a lot about that in some of my earlier posts. That’s one things that always drives me crazy.You would think that users and ex-users would have some common ground and at least understand each other. But I find almost anyone who’s been through the NA recovery mill has forgotten just about everything from their addiction days. They lump us all together, design a cookie-cutter program, spout nonsense about how not a single person can be happy on drugs and basically sound more straight then my mom who’s never touched a drug in her life. I want to shake them sometimes. My old sponsor used to tell me that he knew me better than i knew myself. That i had to be a little suicidal and self-loathing because i still chipped. I cut ties with that guy. We all start using for different reasons, continue using, choose to stop using, have different experiences while using. Are relationships are affected differently. Our rock bottom is different. Don’t tell me that the only way to true happiness is through a book and sitting in a stale room with the same depressed people week after week. I know how to be happy. Life my life with integrity and in accordance to how I thoughtfully design it and continue to foster meaningful relationships with my family and loved ones. If i can do that, I’m happy. With or without heroin and with or without NA.

    Thank you for taking the time to review and comment on my blog! I really appreciate the support and feedback. And a huge thankyou for being a fellow champion of the cause and for all the good work you do! This world is a safer place because you’re in it!

    ☮ ❤ & ♪♫ ♪

    Liked by 2 people

  29. It’s gd that u r not relying on usual cliches & stereotypes; I think u should be careful of a one size fits all – actually w/any drug. Heroin.cocaine etc etc affect different kinds of ppl in v different ways. Depends on background/ gender/ age/ social position/ culture/the local drug laws and so on.Ex-heroin users tend to generalise f/ own experience & think that what happened to them is what happens to everyone else. Try & bear that in mind. twitter.com@timgluckman

    Liked by 1 person

  30. Hey! I’m an amateur writer and I’m writing a screenplay that features heroin. I know that there’s a world wide web of information out there, but I’d rather get a first hand answer. So I’ve got a few questions. One, how actuate is the movie Trainspotting as far as the affects of heroin; two, how does heroin affect sex drive; and three, how often can you use and not be hooked? If you could shoot me these answers if you have a minute, that would be awesome. Thanks!

    Liked by 1 person

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