Drugs Now Legal If User is Employed

If only Washington was this open minded. Gotta love The Onion.

“WASHINGTON, DC—Seeking to “narrow the focus of the drug war to the true enemy,” Congress passed a bill legalizing drug use for the gainfully employed Monday.

Drugs Now Legal

“Stockbrokers, lawyers, English professors… you’re not the problem here,” said DEA Administrator Asa Hutchinson at a White House press conference. “If you are paying taxes and keeping your yard tidy, we’re not going to hassle you if you come home from a hard day of work and want to enjoy a little pot or blow. But if, on the other hand, you’re one of these lazy, shiftless types hanging out on the street all day looking for your next high, we’re coming after you.”

The new law, which goes into effect May 1, will enable police departments and courts to focus on what Hutchinson called “the real drug offenders.”

“There’s no point going after some cardiac surgeon who needs some speed to keep him sharp,” Hutchinson said. “That’s not what the law was intended to prevent. But the more destructive drug users—the addict who spends his welfare money on crack, the guy in Harlem who smokes marijuana—that is something that we as a society must not tolerate.”

According to Drug Czar John P. Walters, the legislation should have a beneficial effect on the health of the American people.

“As a result of this new law, we expect use of addictive, harmful drugs like heroin and crack—those statistically more likely to be linked to unemployment—to drop,” Walters said. “Meanwhile, decent people with good jobs can continue their responsible use of milder drugs like E and cocaine in peace.”

Walters said the new legislation will make it significantly easier to fight the drug war. The nation’s courts will not be clogged with cases involving club kids caught with “Vitamin K” or doctors prescribing Vicodin to rich housewives. More money can be freed up to build prisons to keep chronically unemployed addicts in jail and off the streets—the only statistically proven method of improving an addict’s chance of recovery.” CLICK THE LINK BELOW TO READ THE ENTIRE ARTICLE>>>>>

Drugs Now Legal If User is Employed

 

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