Okay folks – Since I’m trying to cut back on drugs (especially the good ones) I figured I would focus some of my energy on things that suck about drugs and drug use, instead of spending my time studying drugs, pining over drugs and listening to Lou Reed – which is my normal course of action during times like this. So let’s cut out any bullshit and head straight to the punch. I present – 15 Things that SUCK about drugs! (because 10 is just so limiting!)
1. Opiate Constipation. Need I say more? OUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. Nothing more painful when it final does push its way out. All you can do is sit on the toilet, crumpled over in a ball, and screaming “Please help me Lord!” Unless that’s just me… in that case… ignore this one, Girls don’t poop. Public Service Announcement: Don’t forget your Deculex!
2. Blowing bad coke. One line of bad coke and your noise is fucked for days. Over last NYE run in NYC, the first night we got bad coke. Two lines and my nose was destroyed. We got good coke for the rest of the trip, and I couldn’t enjoy it because my damn bloody nose hurt so bad from two fucking lines of that cut shit. Really – no need to ever do anything besides slam coke anyway… the only reason I’ll do lines is because of the social stigma around locking yourself in a bathroom to cook it up. Which brings me to my next point.
3. The social stigma around IV use. It’s this freaking trypanophobia or aichmophobia, belonephobia, or enetophobia – or whatever you want to call a fear of needles – that has everyone so up in arms against other people doing it. Yeah, everyone knows that heavy IV use is bad for your veins and bad According to the study by the National Institute on Drug Abuse for your body, with all sorts of negative possibilities. Abscesses, needles breaking off in your arm, Staff collapsed veins. But why people assume everyone that IV’s is going to die prematurely, and live a hopeless life in the meantime, is beyond me. But I don’t see why if one choices to IV a drug (which when done properly, is not an intrinsically dangerous activity.) That makes you any worse of a person than someone who blows lines or smokes every day. Yes, once you IV it’s hard to go back to anything else, BUT all Routes of Administration are clinically proven to cause addiction and can be equally as harmful *
4. People who don’t bother to get medical marijuana card that live in the state of California or other states where getting your pot license is not only easy but practically required for residency. And then on top of that – talk about how good their weed is. Which is either one of two things:
1. Not good at all – in fact it reminds me of the crap from college. Don’t offer it to me, we’re smoking my weed. Period. And stop acting offended, I hold all my drugs to high standards. Save yours for when your home alone and don’t embarrass yourself. OR
2. Bought for them by their friend with a card.
Just go out and get your own! If you don’t want to get the fancy card they all try to trick you into (fyi – it’s not your actual prescription and can’t legal protect you in anyway. You need to carry your actual paper recommendation for that), it is as little as $35 bucks. That was what I paid at the Cannabis Cup last year, where I renewed, even though I still had some time left, just because it was fast and easy. And they were processing people through the line like a slaughter house – I was in and done within 6 minutes.
5. Old black men that go around to head shows in Los Angeles, like say, at The Greek, and try to push these ridicules looking mushrooms, and fake opium around. Those mushrooms don’t even slightly resemble real Psilocybin mushrooms of any sort…. and your opium smells like incense from Venice Beach. Stay clear of these guys. They hit up every head show.
6. The popular rumor that plugging turns you gay, or you wouldn’t possibly do it if you weren’t already secretly gay. I’m here to set the record straight once and for all. Yes – if you’re a male who plugs (or boofs, or booty bumps, or whatever you want to call it) you will immediately want to suck cock. Scientific proven fact. (I forgot the source – I’ll try to find it later or something.) Now let’s put the subject to rest.
7. The archaic and annoying expression, SWIM. If I open a forum and I see the word SWIM sticking out like a sore thumb on the page, I will immediately shut down the site and go to bluelight for my answers, where they specifically tell people NOT to use that an acronym. Everyone knows you’re talking about yourself. You’re not being cute. It’s not going to protect you from the law. And if for some dumb-ass reason you are using it in a sentence like “SWIM has a meth lab in their house in Marietta Georgia, and I find such-and-such the best method to not blow up my kitchen.”, maybe you should reconsider the illegal and personal information you are posting on the World-Wide Inter-Web on a Drug Message Board that logs your IP address every time you sign in.
8. Ugh, I’ll say it. As bad as constipation is – Opiate Withdraw. Far worse. ‘Nuff said about that. The thought makes my spine cure. I’ve had enough of the cold sweats already today, I don’t need to trigger more.
9. Losing, dropping, boiling over, blowing across the room… Any act of “God” that diminishes or destroys your pile o’ precious drugs. I’ve been the cause, your roommates been the cause, YOU’VE been the cause, it happens. But Lord Almighty, it sucks when it does. Your only hope is that you have a stock pile accumulated somewhere.
10. Selling anything to IV users that’s not what it’s supposed to be or has additives that haven’t been pre-tested. I’ve put some N-A-S-T-Y shit in my veins, believing I’ve bought what I was told. When you are dealing to IV users, it’s a totally different game, you could kill someone. I spent a WEEK shooting MSM thinking it was Meth once, let alone all the fake coke and a couple incidents of MDMA/Moon Rocks that fucked me up (not in a good way) after slamming.
11. Speaking of slamming – can’t leave these little beauties out…. abscesses, staph infection, collapsed veins, missed meth shots, scar tissue, IM soreness, phantom veins, track marks, blown-out veins. Trying to shoot for 3-4-5 hours and not being able to hit. Anything along these lines. Yeah, IVing has a great pay-off, with its 100% bioavailable and all, but damn there are some shitty things about it.
12. Street dealers in downtown LA that threaten to stab you with their knife “’Cause I’m not afraid to go to jail. You think I won’t stab you just to stay out of jail?!?” Just because you asked what else they have, instead of immediately buying the crack they’re pushing – and wasting their time at 2am! They’ll stab you!
13. When police monitor an area that is constantly swarming with people buying/selling drugs, and target one or two people, just to make their presence known. Every person in a 5 block radius is dirty, or high. You know it’s not going to stop. Just park your car down the street and wait for an emergency, like a mugging, or rape, then jump in when people need you. Same goes for security at shows – 90% of the people are packing dirty. Drop the pretense. If you want to ban glass – more power to you. Take it all. Just accept the fact that drugs are everywhere. It hasn’t changed in 100 years, nor will in for another 100. Where there is live music, illegal drugs are present.
14. Raw mouth after a night of ecstasy binging… or as the young folks call it, Molly. Either way – MDMA in all its forms. It’s fun. It makes you dance all night. Provides some great sex. But damn my mouth is sore after a night or two of rolling. No matter what precautions I take. Anyone have a remedy for this?? (No, lollypops don’t work)
15. Drug hands. I hadn’t painted my figure nails since I was in high school. Now I’m required to paint them weekly, just to cover up the black grossness that penetrates the skin and gets under the nail. I can’t lick my fingers without getting this nasty taste, even though I’ve washed my hands like 8 times since last time I used. It permeates, and doesn’t go away!
Bonus! ANYONE WHO COMPLAINS ABOUT THE SMELL OF DMT! GET OVER IT – FOR BEING THE MOST AWESOME DRUG ON THE PLANET, IT’S OKAY TO HAVE A COUPLE DOWNFALLS, LIKE SMELLING LIKE BURNING PLASTIC AND DEAD BODIES AND STICKING TO EVERYTHING IT TOUCHES. BESIDES, I GENUINELY DON’T MIND THE SMELL. DON’T KNOCK IT TILL YOU’VE TRIED IT.
Next time I hear someone complain about the smell, I’m going to offer to pack their pipe with my fine weed, and blast that shit with DMT. Takes ages to get the smell out, I’m not sure if it ever really comes out. And if you ask to borrow my bowl (packed with weed). Ya gotta take the extra DMT flavoring with it, no complaints.